So long, Sayonara, See ya later

Before I went to sleep last night, I went through a mental check list of things left to do. Somewhere along the way my mind settled on that day. June 11th. A knot of fear, sadness, anxiety raced right up to my throat - how in the world am I going to say good bye knowing I'm flying halfway across the globe? (Good googilymoogly!, as Grandma would say)

My brain immediately started flipping through the other goodbyes ("so longs") in recent life. Saying "so long" to my grandmother at her funeral, saying so long to my dear brother in Christ who was moving as far west as I was east, saying so long to my beloved Columbus, saying so long to my parents when they dropped me off on my move-in day in college...

Move in day was so exciting. There was the long car ride up with my parents, and the brain-dead time-space of them helping me move in. But once the sheets were on my bed, and my lamp and radio were plugged in there was nothing left to do but say... "so long". Just thinking about it now... my mother doesn't really cry. But she fought back some tears. And I waved to my parents as they walked down the hall... away they went. Gone, they were. So long. I must've cried for all of 20 minutes or so. Then the freezing air blasting out of the AC took over most of my worries, so did the rumble in my tummy. Hungry and cold, I spent my first night alone, as far away from home as I'd ever been. The next days were much better. I met my co-workers, my RA (who showed me how to turn the dang AC off), and eventually my roomie, no tears.

I remembered that well... and it brought me some comfort. I'd said plenty of "see you laters" and "so longs", even some "good byes" before. Some of them, I said with ease, some with utter relief, some with great difficulty and sadness. This one might be hard, and I might even cry a little (because apparently, tears work better than words), but eventually I'll acclimate to being on an airplane over the big ol ocean, eventually I'll enjoy the beauty of flying backward in time, eventually I'll be excited about landing. I might even cry when I have to spend my first night alone, without TV, without a cell phone, without übertwitter to keep me company during the day - in fact, I might cry at the lack of toilet paper in public toilets. But I will also eventually smile, be angry, be content, be hungry, be very full, be awestruck, be disappointed... all the range of emotions that mean I'm just living life, instead of just being sad.

Beyond those thoughts, I began to look forward to my return. Saying so long to new friends, packing up a summer full of memories and accomplishments and stories, and LOVE! Saying "It's so good to see your face, and hear your voice" to the ones who are keeping my place at the table here at home. So I have that to look forward to as well - and I do love reunions.

*the picture: me, our RA who lived next door to us, and the roomie. good times!*